Here you will immediately find a lifeline that can help you with acute grief and accompany you directly in your grief. We are giving you a toolbox here with which you can take initial measures as self-help if grief strikes acutely.
Letter to the future self.
A lastingly effective lifeline in acute grief and similar crisis situations is writing down thoughts and the emotions associated with them.
Since writing as an active reader and author is an incredible resource for me, in many crisis and catastrophe situations with subsequent grief I noticed how my stress level dropped significantly, the sadness became bearable and the situation became controllable. By writing down my thoughts, I was able to break through acute brooding spirals and gently integrate seemingly endlessly stressful emotions by verbally empathizing with them. I have compressed these experiences into a rapidly effective technique, which I would now like to present to you.
The letter to yourself.
This technique involves writing a letter addressed to your future self. In this letter you can write down all your wishes, hopes or goals that you have for your future life. Regardless of whether they are currently achievable or not. It's okay to just fantasize! But you can also write down fears, anxieties and current failures that you want to learn from in this letter for your future self.
You have free rein over what this letter should contain. The important thing is that you tell your future self what is currently very important to you. There is no right or wrong. All that counts is what you want to communicate at this moment. Once you have finished the letter, you can put it in an envelope and keep it in a safe place. When the time is right, or the chosen point in the future has arrived, you can read through this letter again and reflect on it.
Three power questions to strengthen your resilience in grief.
Resilience describes the psychological resistance or ability to regenerate. Resilience is a valuable resource that you can use to cope with grief and as a lifeline.
How high your personal resilience is depends on various factors, such as what experiences you have already had with grief and loss. You may have already had losses and crises in the past that you have overcome and experienced that it is possible to find ways out of grief. The exciting thing is: no matter where you are right now, you can consciously train your resilience.
The following three power questions – which I will now present to you – can help you to consciously and sustainably strengthen your mental health during grief.
What is good for me?
What makes you happy? In grief and crisis, we often forget what is actually good for us and gives us energy. Also think about: What did you do well in the past (in a similar situation - e.g. sports, making music, painting, walking in nature, meditation)?
Who is good for me?
Who is the person you go to when you are really down? With whom can you speak openly? Maybe they are people who are usually in the “second row” but are still there for you.
What am I doing what I'm doing for?
This is about your values. What values do you live by? What is important to you? Also think about intangible values that enrich you from within and are an anchor for you, no matter what happens on the outside, e.g.
- Gratitude
- Love
- Appreciation
- Liveliness
- Personal responsibility
Three-step method.
This method takes just a few minutes and is designed to be easy to use even in very intense moments. Each step is deliberately designed to give you a short break in which you give your feelings space without being overwhelmed by them. The exercises are designed to have a quick calming effect by using the breath, grounding and memory to give you security and comfort.
Even in times of great emotional turmoil, this three-step method allows you to pause and collect yourself without having to make long preparations. The three steps help you to reconnect with yourself and calm your mind. In this way, in moments of grief, you can experience a feeling of inner stability and peace that gives you the strength to deal with your feelings.
Breathe deeply.
Take three deep breaths, very slowly. Breathe in deeply through your nose, pause briefly, and breathe out slowly through your mouth. Focus completely on your breath - this will help you to center yourself and to ease the intense feelings for a moment.
Feel the ground beneath your feet.
Sit or stand and focus for a few seconds on how your feet touch the floor. This grounding technique helps you arrive in the moment and gain a feeling of stability.
Bring a memory into the heart.
Think of a nice, simple memory of the person who died - for example, a shared laugh or a warm moment. Remind yourself that this moment will always be a part of you and give yourself a little smile.